Don't Think Of Me
by lit by twilight
Summary: [Song - Dido] [Characters - Kazuki Takahashi] Songfic. OtogixNoa. Noa and Ryuuji have been best friends, but what happens when Noa admits to his secret?


"Ryuuji, I… I love you. I really, really love you…" I whisper between sobs, not about to look up at you. You're quiet. My mind is taking that as a bad thing. I hear you clear your throat and when I can finally look up, you're looking away from me. 

"We're only friends, Noa." You respond as I look back down to the grass. "And I don't like you like that… understood? I don't even like other boys like that…"

I nod, knowing deep in my heart that I would be rejected, but still... there was this little bit of a yearning hope that would manifest itself every once in a while. I shouldn't have acted upon that silly hope. But you asked me what was wrong, Ryuuji. So I told you. We're best friends, right? That's what you used to say. And best friends tell each other everything, so I didn't want to lie to you. But, it appears that would have been my best choice. Keeping it a secret.

You stare down at me, looking nervously away from you and covering my tears. And then you speak. Those words told me, for sure, that I never should have told you anything.

"I don't think we can stay friends anymore, Noa."

I look up, scared and disbelieving; even though I know what you're saying is probably the best choice and something that was already bound to happen.

"Ryuuji, I…."

"Sorry Noa," You say casually, before turning around and heading out of the park. You left me there, crying on the grass that night. I was shaking and I could barely breath, still in utter disbelief. I didn't understand… why you wanted to hurt me like that. But it only got worse. 

_So you're with her, and not with me, I hope she's sweet, and so pretty  
I hear she cooks delightfully, a little angel beside you  
So you're with her, and not with me, oh how lucky one man can be  
I hear your house is smart and clean, oh how lovely with your homecoming  
queen  
Oh how lovely it must be_

Only weeks later I begin to see you again, around school. You hang out with other people now. We used to hang out all the time. We were inseparable, remember? I'm sorry I told you my secret, would it have stayed the same if I didn't?

Jounouchi's sister, though?

Of all people to torment me with? Now, I wouldn't say you were tormenting me if you didn't seem to love walking by me hand in hand with her whenever you could. It hurts more than anything in the world, Ryuuji. I'm reminded every time I go to bed that I can't have you, why torture me with it so?

I think briefly of finding other ways to make the pain go away, but cutting myself just doesn't seem to work for me. Should I continue anyways? No one I know will tell me to stop….

Do you even love that girl?

  
_When you see her sweet smile baby, don't think of me  
When she lays in your warm arms, don't think of me  
So you're with her, and not with me, I know she spreads sweet honey  
In fact your best friend, I heard he spent last night with her  
Now how do you feel_

I ran away from you in the hall today. You weren't with Shizuka, imagine that! But I fell into you from behind. I was scared you would be upset that I wasn't leaving you alone so I tried to grab my stuff as quickly as I could and try to get away from you.

It was unsuccessful. You grabbed my arm, and held me back. I wince at your grip and say only one thing.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm sorry, please don't be mad, please…"

"I'm not mad," You reply, holding my arm as I struggle to get away before anything happens. You loosen your grip but don't entirely let me go.

"What is it that you want?" I cry, turning around to look at you with tears in my eyes.

"I want to have a talk with you," You tell me. I finally break away from you, glaring and starting back off. 

"Go back to Shizuka and leave me alone!"  
  


_When you see her sweet smile baby, don't think of me  
When she lays in your warm arms, don't think of me  
And it's too late and it's too bad, don't think of me  
Oh it's too late and it's too bad, don't think of me_

And that's just what you did, isn't it, Ryuuji? You went back to your perfect little beautiful girl. A girl you barely know. A girl who probably doesn't love you now and can never love you like I do….

I'm sitting at the park, under the tree we used to hang out at when we were only children. I'm thinking about you and that girl. Does she want the same things I want?

I want to make you happy, Ryuuji.

I want to spend all my time with you. I want to fall asleep on your chest and in your arms, and wake up the next morning to the rhythmic beating of your heart. I want to be everything for you that you know that girl can't be. Don't you understand? Would you ever understand if you let me try to explain my love?

I miss the times when we were still best friends, Ryuuji. When we were always together, always having fun and laughing. I'm sorry something as stupid as this tore us apart so quickly….

  
_Does it bother you now all the mess I made  
Does it bother you now the clothes you told me not to wear  
Does it bother you now all the angry games we played  
Does it bother you now when I'm not there_

I soon move down, snuggling myself into the grass. Pretending that I'm laying on an invisible you, pretending that you have your warm arms around me, and not her. It helps me to drift off into a sleep, content.

I feel hands on my arms soon, shaking me awake. I feel myself trying to stay asleep. It's dark outside and I wonder briefly what time it is until I see your face, your beautiful eyes looking into mine. I stare at you, confused for a moment before I back away immediately.  
         "What do you want?" I ask defensively, glaring. You only smile softly, unmoving.

"Noa," You whisper, and I whimper in fear of what you're going to do. Are you about to make me hurt more? Are you going to tell me you're engaged to Shizuka and that you plan to kill me and watch me suffer?

  
_When you see her sweet smile baby, don't think of me  
When she lays in your warm arms, don't think of me  
And It's too late and it's too bad, don't think of me_

My glare turns into a scared look, and I'm still trying to get away until I'm backed against the tree I was sleeping under. Your smile seems too soft to show me if you're plotting anything to hurt me with. 

"Why did you wake me up?" I ask you carefully.

"You shouldn't be sleeping alone in the dark outside," You say. Your voice doesn't seem to be scolding, or mocking. I pull my knees to my chest and look away.

"Why aren't you with Shizuka, then? Why did you come here?"

"Because I knew you would be here and as I said before, I need to have a talk with you."

"I thought you didn't want us to be friends anymore!" I cry, tears forming in my eyes. I try my best to hide them, burying my face beneath my arms, of which are resting on my pulled up knees. 

"I lied," You respond, in that casual tone that you like to use to make me nervous. I look up with you in mocking disbelief. "I was scared," You admit softly as you continue. I watch you with reddened eyes and hold my knees closer. "I think I'm in love with you that way too,"

_It's too late, oh it's too bad, don't think of me…_


End file.
